"Rejection therapy" is a popular name for a simple practice: you make small, reasonable requests that you expect to be turned down, so that hearing "no" stops feeling like a disaster. The term comes from a card game by Jason Comely. It reached a much wider audience through Jia Jiang, who spent 100 days in 2013 filming himself making unusual requests of strangers, and later wrote the book Rejection Proof.
Despite the name, it is not therapy and it is not a medical treatment. It is a self-experiment about fear of refusal.
Why people try it
Fear of rejection makes many of us avoid asking: for a better seat, for feedback, for a favor, for a date. Avoiding feels safe, but it also means we never find out how often the answer is yes. In Jiang's project, some of his most unlikely requests were granted, which is the part of the story people remember.
The idea is simple: ask more often than feels natural, and let the real answers replace the imagined ones.
Ground rules
- Keep it reasonable and legal. Ask for things a person could say yes to. Never ask for anything harmful, unsafe or inappropriate.
- Accept the answer. A "no" is the point. Say thank you and move on. Do not push, argue or follow up.
- Do not target people who are vulnerable or busy. Pick moments when the person can answer calmly, in public places.
- Respect the other person's time and space. A short, polite request is enough.
- Do not film or post people without asking.
Ten ideas to start
- Ask a shop politely whether they have a discount.
- Ask a café if they can make your drink a different way than the menu says.
- Ask a neighbor to borrow something small.
- Ask a colleague for honest feedback on your work.
- Ask a friend for a favor you would normally do yourself.
- Ask to be moved to a different table or seat.
- Ask a business if they could do something slightly different from their standard offer.
- Ask someone you admire for ten minutes of advice by message.
- Ask for a deadline extension you really need.
- Ask for a raise, or a clear answer you have been avoiding.
Start at the top of the list and move down as it gets easier.
What to notice
After each request, write down three things: what you expected, what happened, and how you felt a minute later. Many people find the real reaction was milder than the imagined one. Some requests get a yes you did not expect. Both are useful.
If fear of rejection or social anxiety is strongly affecting your life, a health professional can help in ways a self-experiment cannot. Boldly is not therapy.
Practice with a challenge a day
Boldly's Bold and Social modes include small requests and conversations, one at a time. You can also take a challenge with a friend for support.
Questions about rejection therapy
Is rejection therapy real therapy?
No. It is a popular self-experiment. It is not a treatment, and it does not replace help from a professional.
Will it work for me?
It is a way to practice, not a guarantee. Many people find it makes asking feel more normal. How much it helps depends on you and on how you practice.
What is a good first request?
Something small and low-stakes, like asking a shop if there is a discount. See our list of challenges for shy people for more gentle ideas.